"Some things in life should go without saying. But there's always the occasional moron who needs to be told not to use a blowtorch while sleeping."
On a Duraflame fireplace log:
Caution: Risk of fire.
On a compact disc player:
Do not use Ultradisc 2000 as a projectile in a catapult.
On a propane blowtorch:
Never use while sleeping.
On a box of rat poison:
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
On an air conditioner:
Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
On a vacuum cleaner:
Do not use to pick up anything that is curently burning.
On a Batman costume:
Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.
On a battle of hair coloring:
Do not use as an ice cream topping
On a curling iron:
Warning: This product can burn eyes.
On a cardboard sunshield for a car:
Do not drive with sunshield in place.
On a toner cartridge:
Do not eat toner.
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.
On a pair of shin guards:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a portable stroller:
Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.
On a plastic, 13-inch wheel-barrow wheel:
Not intended for highway use.
On a laser pointer:
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
In a microwave oven manuel:
Do not use for drying pets.
In the instructions for a digital thermometer:
Do not use orally after using rectally.