Friday, November 8, 2013

DIY the second

On this edition of Sarah's DIYs, we'll see how to get 5 servings of raw spinach down in one day and actually enjoy about 40% of it!

First, find a well-to-do lady who wants help with the lightest house work you've ever seen, mowing her cute little lawn with a zero-turn radius lawn mower, printing little labels for organizing her jewelry-making studio and other general projects around the house.
I suggest looking in gated communities or next door to people who can afford nannies for one three year-old while the mom stays at home.

While helping organize your new boss's garage, be ready to receive the barely used magic bullet (apparently it's a nice blender brand) you've only heard about from fellow classmates at your community college. This is a crucial step.

Next, use your new tool to sufficiently blend an apple, small carrot, three rings of frozen pineapple and a handful of torn-up raw spinach to make a gross-looking-but-delicious-tasting breakfast smoothie that will fill you up and help keep you regular!
Then, head to work and try to look like you're making a difference mopping immaculate tile floors till lunch, which your boss always provides. Don't act shocked or show any faces when she serves it with a HUGE bowl of salad which is 96% raw spinach leaves, 3% dressing and 1% cranberries, and don't laugh when she tells you to eat all of it. Be glad she's on the phone in another room so you can eat it without pretending to enjoy it, and be thankful that you have a better way to eat it at home, thanks to the magic blender SHE gave you because she got a bigger one, and her step-son in college doesn't want the little one.
Now, the only thing I would add to that is to choose such a lady with a height and build to similar yours so you can have the brand new pair of Cold Water Creek slacks that don't fit her anymore. The same goes for shoes and blouses.

Just kidding, there's one more thing I would add. If she doesn't pay enough for you to live on, and/or you need work experience in the real world to put on your resume, get a job at the closest McDonalds or other fast-food place where you know a manager nice enough to give you whatever hours you ask for, and work there 4 days a week so you can still work with your boss in the gated community one day a week, maintaining the connection. It may lead to other temporary jobs with people she knows, such as driving two kids who live in a small mansion to school for two weeks.

And that, my friends, is the best way I have found to enjoy two out of five servings of raw spinach.
Just call me Pop-Eye.

Have a good weekend!

Be Thankful, Sarah

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